She also knows it's not that simple. Being organized and staying organized are two different things. That's why some people develop long-term relationships with professional organizers, or even hire them multiple times.
“For one guy, it took four years of weekly visits to get him organized,” Larson said. His company, Sherrill's Organizing Concepts, is based in the Washington, DC and Baltimore metropolitan areas. “He's probably my biggest success story because he just keeps doing it.”
It started with some window treatments. Before working with Larson, a client who had been living alone since his wife died asked his interior designer for help, but he only had one problem. She couldn't get to the window past the pile of boxes. The designer called in Larson, but he quickly realized it was a tough job. It would take years to organize just the basement.
“He had no idea what was in there,” Larson says. Many of the solutions lay in simply digitizing files and setting up personal finance software. Fortunately, he was an avid learner. “He’s so proud of how everything is now,” she says.
Some people are naturally good at maintaining systems and routines in their homes. For others, it is a lifelong problem that cannot be solved even by hiring a professional. What's the difference between these two groups? It could simply be a matter of time and will, or there could be deeper issues at play. For example, traumatic life experiences can create a tendency to hoard things. And staying organized presents a unique challenge for neurodivergent people. This includes more than 8.7 million U.S. adults living with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). In either case, understanding the reasons behind your organization's struggles can help uncover solutions.
Larson likens decluttering to other big lifestyle changes, like eating healthier or quitting smoking. In fact, research shows that changing behavior can be frustratingly difficult. Most of our actions are determined by habits, or actions we do without thinking. This includes good habits at home, such as recycling your mail promptly and leaving your keys in the same place every day. If you are not used to a routine, it may take some time for the behavior to become automatic. As psychologist Marc E. Bouton writes in the journal Preventive Medicine, “Changing behavior can be an inherently unstable and unstable process, with frequent lapses and relapses. It’s expected to happen.”
All of these changes require motivation, and Larson says she can tell when a client's heart isn't up for it. In some cases, it may be due to pressure from her spouse or relatives to declutter. “If she decides to make a change on her own, she's more likely to stick with it,” she says. That applies to her entire family. Without her spouse and children on board, it will be difficult to maintain that.
One of Larson's clients couldn't get her three daughters to organize their rooms. Exasperated, she paired them with Larson, but Larson found that her teenage eldest son was not interested in the project. Nevertheless, after a few weeks, a change seems to have occurred. All three girls kept their rooms bright and spacious. The adults later discovered that the eldest son had been paying the younger daughter for cleaning. For her mother, if that meant cleaning her house, it worked for her. After all, a system is only effective if everyone follows it.
“One of the things we do when we work with a client is to see if they have retained what we prepared in the previous visit,” says Larson. “If not, we need to figure out why.”
That family's solution was a bit unconventional, but it's important to understand what motivates everyone. Some of Ms. Larson's clients, like the woman who came to see her four times a year, hire her regularly because they want external responsibilities. When Larson arrives, the house appears to be in order, but the client says that's only because she had an appointment.
If motivation is low, a simpler system may be helpful. For example, rather than arranging DVDs alphabetically or sorting clothes by color, some people may be more realistic about arranging everything on a shelf or in a trash can and calling that a success. After all, continuing to feel like you're not capable of achieving your goals can lead to avoidance and a loss of motivation. You may feel guilty, distract yourself to feel better, and feel guilty again if your goals are not achieved. ADHD coach Camil Aponte says the first step is recognizing negative self-talk and practicing self-compassion.
Instead of working hard on a big task, Aponte advises setting a timer for just five minutes and seeing what you can do in that time. Starting with small tasks can also help you build up small accomplishments that will make you feel better. You can also write down each accomplishment as you complete it. (Some people call this practice a “free” list, because it's essentially the opposite of a “to-do” list.)
In any case, hiring a professional won't solve everything. If you don't follow the system they teach or keep taking away more than you have space for, you'll eventually find yourself back at square one. Larson says his most successful clients follow the “one in, he one out” rule. Every time you introduce something new into your home, you have to get rid of something else. That can be difficult if you're sentimental or cringe at the thought of tossing your child's art in the recycling bin. According to Larson, setting parameters such as he saves one item in a month makes it easier to save.
The relationship between mental health and organizations
In some cases, the challenge is more than just a lack of time or will. For example, someone who seems to have an emotional attachment to everything they own, or who moves things to another location, such as the garage, attic, or basement, without getting rid of them. “That's a big red flag,” says Tiffany Smith of Simply Put Organizing in Indianapolis.
Smith sometimes refers clients to mental health professionals if she feels they have a more complicated relationship with their possessions. “Maybe they didn't have much growth, so they overcompensated, or maybe they lost things, they lost people, and everything became emotional in some way,” she said. says. “Well, some people definitely need deeper help.”
Some people have a particularly difficult time sticking to a routine because of how their brains work. Aponte says that creating novelty, or making a task feel new or fresh, is important to staying motivated.
“With ADHD, things tend to lose their luster after a while,” Aponte says. She brings her personal perspective to her advice as she herself lives with her ADHD and autism. She helps her clients add some “sparkle” to tasks they don't want to do by purchasing attractive organizational products and playing her fun background music. Most importantly, she says, don't be too hard on yourself. Because it can lead to a vicious cycle of avoidance and guilt.
“Say, 'Wait a minute, this is how my brain works, but it doesn't mean I'm lazy,'” Aponte says.
Annie Midori Atherton is a Seattle-based writer who covers culture, lifestyle, business, and parenting.